Run from "The Hills"

Unlike Charlize Theron, I'm at least aware of "The Hills," but I must admit that I just don't get it. At 35, it makes me feel old.

MTV's flagship show -- in which Laguna's Lauren (r.) and Heidi, her BFF turned Brutus (US Weekly headline: "How I Was Stabbed in the Back!"), head for Los Angeles and squabble over a boy named Spencer -- returned last night to much media excitement followed by underwhelming reviews. I can't for the life of me understand what is so fascinating about semi-scripted gossip and high school-like soap operatics -- not to mention dialogue where every second word is, like, "like."

But I'm clearly not the target audience. Which is why Lauren works for "Teen Vogue" in the series. And, when I say work, I don't mean the sort of boot-licking boot camp hazing depicted in "The Devil Wears Prada." Entry-level employee Lauren helps brand the magazine to its target demo by picking out outfits -- and modeling them. In Paris.

Suddenly, I'm getting nostalgic for "One Tree Hill" and "Gossip Girl."